My Husband Hates Me But Won’t Leave – What To Do?

My Husband Hates Me But Won’t Leave

When you are married, I’m sure you never imagined in a million years asking yourself, “What if my husband hates me?”

Obviously not.

Walking down the aisle, people have high hopes that their spouse will treat them well, be a loyal companion, and provide a stable home for them. Then, one day (as is the case today), you find yourself in search of an answer you never imagined existed.

However, how did you end up here?

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What Causes Hatred and Resentment in a Relationship?

How did this happen? While every couple is different, there are some things that can cause a lot of hatred in a marriage. Let us look at some of them.


When someone marries, many people, especially men, think, “Ahhhh…I’m married! Now I don’t have to work on this relationship any longer!”

To put it another way, they become sluggish.

When you’re dating, men are more likely to do the chasing. It’s just genetically hardwired into some people. However, once they believe they “have you,” all of their efforts seem to vanish.

However, just because a large number of men become neglectful does not rule out the possibility that you have neglected your husband as well. It could be in any aspect of your relationship – physical intimacy, love, attention, friendship, etc. Examine your actions to see if you’ve neglected him.


In a marriage, laziness and neglect are frequently driven by selfishness. And selfishness does not work in a marriage.

Relationships require both parties to participate. It is impossible for one person to do all of the giving while the other person does all of the taking. If that’s the case, then the relationship between the two people is in a very unhealthy state.

In situations where one person is self-centered, resentment builds up in the other’s mind. Nobody enjoys being a doormat and being taken advantage of.


Deception used to be fairly straightforward. In other words, you either cheated or you didn’t. When it comes to cheating in today’s technological age, however, there is a lot of gray areas, and it is not limited to physical cheating alone.

Sure, when it comes to identifying it, sexual cheating is at the top of most people’s lists. However, emotional infidelity can be just as damaging to a marriage as physical infidelity, if not more so.

Cheating destroys trust, whether it happens gradually over time or all at once. There is a risk that it could lead to long-term ill-feeling and even hatred.


Abuse can also take many different forms. Yes, if anybody hits you, it is clearly abuse. However, it is not necessary to have a black eye or a bone fracture for something to be considered abuse.

Abuse occurs when someone calls you names, criticizes you or tells you negative things about yourself.

Abuse will almost always result in hatred and resentment in a marriage.

How to Determine Whether Your Partner Hates You

Now that we’ve covered some of the factors that can lead to resentment and hatred in a marriage, let’s take a look at some of the warning signs that your spouse may detest you.

1. You are constantly fighting.

Disagreements and conflict aren’t always terrible in a relationship. It is unrealistic to expect 2 people to get along and agree on everything.

However, fighting wrongfully and frequently is always a bad thing. For example, if one or both of you need to fight to be “right” in an argument, that is a very ugly way to be in a relationship. If fighting is the foundation of your marriage, it is an indication that one (or both) of you hates the other.

2. He Makes Little Effort in the Marriage

Neglect is tightly linked to this. If he isn’t putting forth any effort in the marriage, he is neglecting you. It could be because he “hates” you, or it could be for other reasons.

He should be nice to you, keep your friendship, be affectionate, and a good partner. However, if you feel like he’s just your roommate (and possibly not even a pleasant one), that’s not a good sign. He may be on the verge of giving up – or has already done so.

3. You don’t have a lot of sex (If at All)

Physical intimacy distinguishes a friendship from a romantic relationship/marriage. Unfortunately, many people are trapped in marriages that have neither love nor sex.

So, if you can’t recall the last time you touched each other except to hand them something in the house, your intimacy is probably gone. When people become married with somebody they dislike, they lose their desire to have sex with that person.

4. He is oblivious to your existence.

No one should be taken for granted in an ideal world. However, it appears to happen on a regular basis.

It’s sometimes just human nature. We become accustomed to the status quo and assume things to remain constant. Meanwhile, if you think about it, we could lose anything or anyone at any time.

Consequently, if you feel abused and undervalued, it could be an indication that he dislikes you, if not outright hates you.

5. You suspect he’s been unfaithful to you.

When a person is resentful of their spouse, they are more likely to look elsewhere if given the opportunity. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying this is acceptable. In fact, it isn’t. Turning away from the marriage does nothing to help in improving it and only serves to destroy it.

It’s easier to justify cheating when your spouse resents you. If they no longer love you, they are unlikely to feel as guilty as they would if they did.

6. He is abusive on a mental, emotional, and/or physical level.

Abuse is NEVER acceptable. Never, ever, ever. No one deserves to be abused, no matter how annoying you were to someone.

It does, however, happen. A mentally ill person is more likely to become an abuser. They became that way for a number of reasons in their past that may or may not be related to you. You could be a part of it, but if you’re being abused, it could imply that, among other things, he resents you for something. But that doesn’t make it any better.

My Husband Hates Me But Won’t Leave – What Should You Do?

If, after reading this, you still believe your spouse hates you, there are options. Remember that trying to overcome hatred is not an easy task. It is possible, but it will take a great deal of effort from both parties.

1. Determine Whether or Not You Want It to Work (or Not)

If you truly believe that your hubby hates you, you should have a long, honest conversation with yourself. Do you even want to be here? Why would you stay in a marriage filled with hatred? Before making any other decisions, determine what you want.

2. Speak to Him

You may have not had a genuine, truthful, or good conversation with him in years. And perhaps you’ve never really discussed the state of your marriage. But if you want to save your marriage, you need to talk about it. It won’t be easy if he harbors such resentment toward you, so you must do it.

3. Devise a Plan

After you’ve spoken with him, devise a strategy. Based on how the conversation progressed, one of two things most likely occurred. He either stated that he wants to try to work it out or that he does not. If he does not, the decision will be made for you. However, if he does, you must seek assistance.

4. Seek Professional Counseling

Many people, particularly men, believe that seeing a counsellor is a sign of weakness. However, this is not the case. Strong people seek assistance! So, try to persuade him to seek professional help. If you can afford it, you should get individual and couples counseling.

5. Divorce…If Needed

There are times when a marriage simply cannot be saved, no matter how much effort is put forth by both parties. It’s sad, but sometimes it’s better to just keep moving on with your lives than to stay in a hate-filled marriage. That way, you and your partner can begin a new life filled with love and happiness.

Last Thoughts

Nobody desires to be in a bad marriage. That is not the intention of the concept of marriage. Because when you choose to put your happiness first, you will find that the remaining of your life will be happier as a result. It’s not selfish; it’s self-love, and it’s from there that happiness and contentment emerge.

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My Husband Hates Me But Won’t Leave – What To Do? by Sam Derrick

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